Rocked and Rolled

Has anybody here, seen my old friend Oliver?

Let's just say that Tom Gorzelanny isn't making anyone forget the dearly departed Oliver Perez.

Gorzo, the latest in a long line of highly touted young Pittsburgh hurlers, delivered another X-rated pitching performance tonight, allowing the Colorado Rockies to snap their eight-game losing streak without breaking a sweat. Well, except that they had to spend lots of energy running around the bases.

In short, Tom Un-Terrific was awful, lasting only into the third inning and playing not only the Rockies' best friend but also his own worst enemy with walks, elevated pitches and a silly throwing error that helped to open the floodgates to what was ultimately a 13-4 pasting.

The last we saw of Tom, he'd buried his head in a Terrible Towel. Maybe there was a mug hidden underneath and he was crying in his beer.

Not that TG was alone. With the score 5-0, he left the game in the uncapable hands of Victor Santos, who toted his kerosene can to the mound. By the time the erstwhile fifth starter was finished, the score was 12-1, and the only suspense left was whether Freddie Sanchez could boost his league-leading BA (he did, going 2-for-4, and driving in two runs. He's now hitting .365, which might even be better than what the league is now batting against Pirate pitchers).

Speaking of Pirate pitchers, they would do well to look at the Rockies staff. Traditionally the laughing stock of the league, the Colorado starters had a collective ERA of 4.17 coming into tonight's game, third-best overall in MLB. In days past, the Rockies sprinting to a 7-0 lead wouldn't have been cause to give up hope. No more. Starter Jeff Francis (7-8, 3.98 ERA) coolly shut down the Pirates over seven innings, allowing just one earned run. The team's eight-game losing streak wasn't the fault of the starting pitchers, who by and large threw well over that period. The bullpen broke down and the hitters went into a funk. Until tonight, that is.

The Rockies' five starters (Francis, Aaron Cook, Jason Jennings, Josh Fogg -- yes, that Josh Fogg -- and Byung-Hyun Kim) have combined for 558 innings (well over six innings per start), counting tonight's game, and Kim didn't start the season in the rotation. They have struck out 348 and walked 188.

Consider that the six pitchers who have started for the Pirates this year (Gorzelanny, Perez, Santos, Kip Wells, Zach Duke and Paul Maholm) have combined for 512 innings (about an inning less per start than the Rockies' starting staff) and have issued about 70 more walks, and you begin to see why Colorado has reason for hope (as their respectable 45-48 record suggests), while the Pirates are still floundering.

During the horrid 26-game stretch that began June 12 with a 2-1 loss to St. Louis and ended July 9 with an 8-3 defeat at the hands of the Phillies, the Pirate pitching staff gave up 160 runs, or more than six per game, and the bulk of that total was attributable to the starters. A Pirate starter gave up three runs or fewer in just four of the 26 games.

Obviously, good pitching is hard to come by, and the Pirates, for the time being, at least, are going to have stick with what they've got and hope that experience will pay off, as it seems to be with the young Colorado staff. Kip Wells may well be on the block, but if the plan is to trade Sean Casey and Craig Wilson, a first baseman is going to have to come from somewhere. And even if Jeromy Burnitz and Joe Randa are about to end their storied careers with the club, one can hardly hope that either will net a prized pitching prospect.

Tonight shows us once again that the Pirates' call to arms in '06 has gone largely unheeded.